New Blog

With everything happening right now I needed to restart and reorganize my thoughts. New blog here:

http://disneyanddeployed.blogspot.com/

Hope people will heep reading!

Allie

Borrowed from a fellow USMCgal

I am in a Yahoo group for Marine girlfriends/fiancees/wives and one of the girls posted this survey that I could not resist doing. Mainly because of all the memories it entails and my feelings. It will be handy to look back on someday. If you're not in the mood for romance/mushy stuff stop reading NOW. I warned you.


*

How did it all begin?
I was at the Drama Party for Saint Patrick's Day when I saw three guys walk into Big Blue that were obviously not drama majors. Ryan caught my eye instantly but I lost him in the crowd. Later he found me on the porch and asked about the shamrock I had painted on my cheek. We started talking, soberly bonding over the fact that we hate Guinness, and smoking. Inside later he asked if he could friend me on facebook...which I never expected him to do honestly, and then kissed my hand goodbye. He friended me that night, sent me a Guinness drink application as a joke, and wrote on my wall. I wrote him back and then didn't hear from him for about a month. Then we started messaging again and had our first date on May 8th, 2008.

Where did you meet?
Big Blue, the drama house

When did you meet?
March 15, 2008

Was it love at first sight?
Infatuation perhaps, definitely attraction/crush at first sight

How old were you?
20

How old was he?
20

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THE GOOD.....♥

When did you have your first kiss?
Our first date. He got called into work (oh little did I know) and had to drop me off at the metro rather than drive me home. He opened the door of his car for me at the Eastern Market Metro stop and kissed me goodnight.

Where was your first date?
Ruby Tuesday's in Chinatown and then to the movies to see Baby Mama

How long until you met the parents?
He came home with me in June to get my car to drive back to DC one weekend... so one month for me. His mom started talking to me on facebook around Thanksgiving or so and on the phone and I got to meet them this past February. South Carolina is a bit far for quick trips!

When was it 'official'?
Looking back we just made our first date official, because we were basically exclusive from that moment on.

Whats your happiest memory of him?
So many! Ocean City last memorial day weekend, him coming to see me act for the first time, our first Valentine's Day, him teaching me to drive a stick shift, ice skating and the surprise Christmas present, New Years Eve in NYC, introducing him to my Poppy (a retired Sgt Major of the Marines), meeting his family... so many.

Whats the sweetist thing he has ever done for you?
Many things, but this Christmas he humored me and took me ice skating before I went home for break. He had two of his buddies tag along and while we were skating he asked Janos to take a picture of us... he hates pictures so I was confused. We took one and then he reached into his pocket and pulled out my present, a charm bracelet with charms to signify our relationship to that point. A heart of love, shamrock for meeting St Patrick's Day, a dolphin for our trip to Ocean City, a cross for coming to NJ with me and going to church with me, and stars for seeing me in a show.

Whats your favorite thing to do together?
Anything with him! But we tend to favor movies, food, and outdoorsy things

When did you know you were falling in love?
Officially in August, at my friend Taylor's toga party. But we didn't say it until October

Who said 'I love you' first?
He did.

Is it true love?
Definitely

How do you know this?
Because he makes me so happy. I constantly think about him and miss him when we are apart and cherish every moment I have with him.

-------------------------------------------------------------------♥
The bad...

Whats his worst habit?
When he drinks too much and gets kind of jerk like, hasn't happened in awhile though.

What annoys you about him?
When he gets lecture-y with me or picks apart the little things

Has he ever hurt you badly?
Never physically but emotionally one or two fights were pretty horrendous. But that hasn't happened in ages.

Would he ever cheat?
Never. Cheating is an official no chance end it for both of us.

Has he to your knowlege ever cheated?
No!

Do you trust him?
More than anyone else in this world

--------------------------------------------------------------------------♥
The ugly....

Best facial feature?
His eyes and his amazing smile

Favorite part of his body?
His forearms or his smile

Hair color?
Brown

Whats he wearing when you picture him in your head?
Jeans and his yellow and blue polo shirt or his button down dark blue shirt

--------------------------------------------------------------------------♥
.....Intimacy...

How do you feel when he holds you?
Like the luckiest most loved girl in the world

How do you feel when you fall asleep and wake up in his arms?
Amazing, loved, happy, safe, comfortable

How does it feel when he touches you?
It makes me smile and my heart race and soar

Does his touch give you goose bumps?
Sometimes

Does he kiss your neck?
Yes

Your tummy?
Yes

Your forehead?
Oh yes, usually if we're just sitting he'll reach over and do that just because... or on my cheek.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------♥
Deep and meaningful...

Could you be without him?
I am going to have to be. We have done being apart in small doses, 45 days on restriction being the longest but we still spoke nearly everyday. But shortly I will have to be without him for 7-9 months and it is going to be one of the hardest times of my life.

Do you think about him constantly when your apart?
Constantly is an understatement

How long have you been together?
One year two weeks and one day

Can you see a future together?
Yes, we've talked about it too

Would you like to get married?
Yes, eventually

Have children?
Yes... once we're married for awhile!

Where can you see your relationship in a years time?
Him being back from the middle east, hopefully us living together, perhaps engaged or.... yea (:

Do you know there is definitely no-one better out there for you?
He is the first love of my life and I am convinced the only. No one could compare.

Are you scared he might find someone better?
No. We love one another and trust one another way too much to ever hurt eachother that way.

Is he your best friend as well as your lover?
Of course!!

Does he come first over everyone else in your life?
Yes, I would do anything for him

------------------------------------------------------------------------------♥
On a lighter note...

Do you have nick names for each other?
Sweetie, Sweetheart, Cutie, Loverboy, Darling... yes it can be nauseating sorry!

Does he make you laugh?
All the time

Do you wrestle?
Yes, he kicks my ass everytime. And nearly broke my nose once! Accidentally!

Is he ticklish?
Ooooh yea. I get him all the time

Are you?
Yea, he gets revenge a lot.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------♥
Lasts...

Last Time you saw him?
Around 1:30pm today/yesterday (Saturday)

Kissed him?
Same as above

Spoke to him?
Texted him around 10pm tonight

The last text he sent you?
K sweetie. I love you. Goodnight and sweet dreams. Muah!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------♥
When will you...

See him again?
Hopefully tomorrow/today (Sunday)

Speak to him again?
Tomorrow/today (Sunday)

Tell him you love him again?
Same as above

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have you ever...

Spent the night together?
Yes

Been on vacation together?
Yes... our first one was to Ocean City after I recovered from being violently ill for about the first three weeks we were dating. Then to NJ twice to visit my family, busch gardens for the day, NYC for New Year's. Soon we're going back to NJ then my first trip home with him to South Carolina when he goes on leave next month!

Met his parents?
Yes

Had naughty time?
Oh yea

Made him cry?
Unfortunately yes :(

Done anything spontaneous together?
Ocean City was our first spontaneous thing and many more have followed

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------♥
Lastly....

Is this love?
I am 100% convinced it is. I love him more than anything else in this world.

Lately...

I have been so all over the place lately. Both mentally and physically. I am officially done with classes and finals... all As and one fricken B+. That B+ prevented me from graduating cum laude. My final GPA is a 3.45 so I miss it by basically half a point. When I emailed my Greek and Roman Mythology teacher about it, asking if there was anything I could do to boost my grade, he said, "I hate to be a Grinch but that is your final grade. You have a solid B+. An 89." AN 89!!!! ONE FRICKEN POINT! If he had given me one more point I would be graduating with honors. Ok a few tears were shed over that but I am ok with it now. Sort of. I better not run into him ever again, I'd probably trip him or something.

I went home last weekend for Uncle Bill's 60th birthday. Aunt Eileen flew in from California to surprise him and my Uncle Dave came from Florida so my mom got to be with all her siblings again. It was great seeing the family and I had fun. Got my doctor appointments done, car inspected, went to Stefan's baseball game, and 8am mass for Mother's Day (no escaping that one). But I missed Fake Prom and a senior trip to 6 Flags which I was kind of bummed about. I didn't get to say goodbye to a lot of undergrads because they left by the time I got back Monday :(

Monday I took Adam back to the ER (he cut his hand during Gilbies last week) to get his stitches out. Another four hours in Providence Hospital's waiting room for a 5 minute procedure. I really hate that place now... 8 hours of my life in there. I didn't mind taking Adam but the time management skills of that place were infuriating!

Gilbies went really well. I didn't win anything, but I still had fun. No big snafus technically and overall a success I think.

Ryan is in Lejune NC training. He has been there since the 2nd and gets back Thursday or Friday. I miss him. We haven't really gotten to talk longer than a few minutes at a time, maybe a few texts here and there. I know this is practice for when he deploys but I just miss him. A lot. I am so glad he will be back here in time for Graduation, that is the best thing I could ask for. We also hit our one year anniversary on the 8th. He was in NC, I was in NJ at the dentist... we didn't even get to talk that day since his phone was messing up. I talked to him the day after though which was great. I got him a photobook made so he has pictures of family and friends when he goes and he got me a new camera since my old one died. (:

Acting wise I am currently doing a show for Journeyman Theatre. Jay is reviving (ish) Ubu from our sophomore year. I am General Custard again and Adam and Katie are also reviving their roles. Jason, Nick, and a non CUA girl Julia are also in it. We started rehearsing this week, yay viewpoints, and the show is a one-time deal on June 1st. I am pretty excited about it. I also just finished being a scenic charge for Jay's musical Closer than Ever. I did all the painting and got paid! Yay professional! Then in the playbill Jay didn't list himself as scenic designer, since he basically was, so I ended up getting credited with that in some reviews. Eek! At least they were positive! Haha.

I did get cast in HAZE, the indie film that is filming in DC area this summer. I am cast as a college student, but if they don't get the schedule together soon and release it I might have to back out. I lose my apartment July 31st so if filming goes beyond that.... oh that would suck!

What else? Went to the zoo yesterday with DeiTos and Adam, which I really needed. I was pretty bummed yesterday. It's weird. I feel so out of the loop with some of my CUA friends. It has been building all semester really, but it is hitting me hard this week. Some of the people I considered my best friends barely talk to me anymore. I don't get invited out with them anymore and when I try to make plans they generally fall through or never get close to happening. It hurts. A lot. I miss people and I feel like I either got pushed out or replaced by a lot of them. I know spending most weekends with Ryan has changed things, and I do not regret that at all, but I think once I started not always being available they stopped trying with me. I feel stupid being so upset over it, yes even crying, but I can't help it. I know as of next week we are going separate ways, but I wish our friendships were where they were at this time last year. So much.

I did go to Big Blue today to help clean up a bit before the ladies move, but I still felt kind of like a 5th (7th?) wheel. I didn't follow the inside jokes, I was out of the loop, quiet, and just not like me. I did my best to keep cheery and involved but I felt like that awkward kid at a party that no one knows and people just occassionally spoke to because they felt bad for me. Ok end emo moments.

I am meeting Richie (Ryan's room mate Josh's girlfriend) tomorrow for lunch and shopping as well as maybe Dell and Janos. Hope it works out, it will be fun to see them. Circle of friends is ever changing. I also get to pick up my cap and gown tomorrow.

Oh. My. God.

I graduate in three days.

Then Ubu. Then Ryan is on leave June 8-28th. Mom wants to have a graduation party June 13th or so. Then Stage Managing Fringe in July, maybe doing electric work on Kathleen's show, then NJ for a few weeks. Then I move to Disney August 19th! Oy.

Ok, all for now I suppose.

Long awaited update...

So much for my New Year's resolution to write in here once a week! I totally fail. Oh, and I started smoking again during COMPs. Oops. It has been such awhile I do not even know where to begin, so I will just be weird and categorize it.

School
I passed COMPs!!!!!!! Thank God. I could not do those again. I spent more time in the library in that month than I did in all my four years at Catholic. I did my religion presentation from hell and still have the paper from hell, due Tuesday, but I have a bunch of notes so I should be able to get it done in time. Directing scenes are going on, still not a fan of that class. I am just not cut out for it at all. Other classes are alright, no complaints here. I did tours today for Odyssey Day... and by tours I mean one because I had to get back to work. I graduate a month from yesterday, I cannot believe it.

A job
I got one! I was offered an internship at Walt Disney World doing attractions. So I can be a ride operator or a narrator in rides or theatre shows. I also do parade crowd control and stuff. I get a fully furnished apartment with utilities that comes out of my paycheck and I get an hourly rate. I can work 40-60 hours a week or take classes for free if I choose to do so. Originally I was accepted to go June 15th but due to certain circumstances I will mention in a bit I called my recruiter and I am now going in August. I still have to look into details like health insurance and registering my car. Will do. But I have an option! I didn't get National Players, Olney, Shakespeare Tech, or Wooly Acting Apprenticeship so this came at a great time.

Acting
I miss Squat. It was a wonderful experience and I miss everyone dearly. I got cast in an independent film called HAZE, which shows the darker side of college hazing. I am a featured extra and have to potential to get a name/substantial role depending on availability and all. I am a college student in general and I will find out at the cast meeting on the 27th for sure. I am still waiting to hear about the Shakespeare Acting apprenticeship but Disney got to me first so....

Ryan
Ryan is deploying in June. He is now in Quantico training and I see him on weekends mostly. He is going to Afghanistan. I am terrified and worried and a whole jumble of emotions and I do not know how I am going to do this. I will. And I can... but I am still scared. I think he also has bronchitis but the dummy won't go to medical to get it taken care of because the other nine guys who had it had to take a week off of training and he refuses to do that. I hope he doesn't really have it so he can get better but it is just another worry. I love him and I worry. Such is life.

Family
All is well with them as far as I know. Babci is having her hip replaced this summer which should be an experience (her recovery I mean) but she should be fine.

Friends
Some new ones, some growing stronger, some fading away. The fading away ones make me pretty sad. I know I havent spent as much time with them this year and I really miss them. So many have made future plans that I found out randomly and I wish I could have heard from them directly. Others I am getting much closer too and I am so incredibly grateful for that. They are the ones keeping me sane.

Ok.... I guess that is it for now. More to come shortly...

Realizations...

So you know that song Realize by Colbie Caillat?

If you just realize what I just realized then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another J
ust realize what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other, now
Take time to realize...

Yes, that one. Well I heard it on the radio today and hearing the word realize about thirty times in a two minute period made me come to a lot of realizations of my own.

My biggest one, when did I become an "adult"?

That lead to a whole string of questions that I just don't know if I can answer.

When did I become responsible for everything? I realized this week if anything were to happen to my parents (God Forbid) I am the legal guardian of my brother. I am soley responsible for him if anything happens. Holy cow. They just sort of informed me of that, no questions asked. Of course I would do it, I would never not take my brother if something happened to my parents, but it was jolting nonetheless.

Since when am I old enough that I am the only one responsible enough to clean an apartment that holds between 3 and 5 people at any given time? Why am I the only one who buys a vacuum and uses it? That empties the dishwasher, puts dishes away, cleans the stove top, and organizes the common areas?

Since when am I old enough that I have to take care of people when they get too drunk? When they get sick or angry or out of line, when did I get old enough to be the one to stop the damage from happening?

Since when am I responsible for paying for everything, cars and gas and groceries and all the things "adults" have? Like a huge dental procedure that if my insurance bails on me for will send me into the red like no other?

When did I get old enough to realize one of the most important people in my life just has not been there for me latley and it hurts like hell? At one point I would have brushed it off, made excuses for her (she's busy, working, figuring life out...), but now... now it is just a kick in the stomach everytime I think about it or someone else mentions it.

Since when am I old enough for a reunion tour of one of my favorite childhood bands? (see; "backstreet boys")

When did I get old enough to worry? To get my heart broken? To fall for someone? To be soley responsible for myself and those around me?

When the hell did I become an adult and why am I just realizing this now...?

Shatter

I heard this song on the radio on my way home and normally I don't listen to O.A.R. but this struck me for some reason...


In a way, I need a change
From this burnout scene
Another time, another town
Another everything
But it's always back to you

Stumble out, in the night
From the pouring rain
Made the block, sat and thought
There's more I need
It's always back to you

But I'm good without ya
Yeah, I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around

I had no idea that the night
Would take so damn long
Took it out, on the street
While the rain still falls
Push me back to you

But I'm good without ya
Yeah, I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around

Give it up, give it up, baby
Give it up, give it up, now
Now

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
All that I feel is the realness I'm faking
Taking my time but it's time that I'm wasting
Always turn the car around

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around

Don't wanna turn that car around
I gotta turn this thing around



Random. Anyway.

Rehearsals going well. Still smoking and really really need to stop. I cannot afford to be addicted nor do I want to be. But it does make me feel good/happy/relaxed which is so incredibly stupid and I know it. Ick. Ugh. Etc. Monday will be my only day off until next week, I should do something. No idea what. My family might still be coming down Friday for the parade regardless of the break up. Interested to see how that will all pan out...

God I am exhausted.

Just when things are looking up they fall down again.

The past few weeks have been pretty rough. I mentioned earlier that this has been my summer of ups and downs. Being really sick in May was a major down, but Ryan proved to be a major up in that period. SOTC was a mixture of ups and downs depending on the day. I started stage managing for Jay's show (with OperAlterna) for the Fringe festival which is actually a lot of fun and the people have all been really great. But truth be told once midJune hit things really have just gone down hill.

So last Friday I was at my first Friday parade at 8th and I with Taylor, Amy, and Kristin. I said hi to Ryan and then the girls and I went into the Officer's Club to hang out before the parade started. Then I noticed my phone was beeping with a missed call. As soon as I saw it was my aunt Kathy I knew what it was. Sure enough I call her back and find out my grandmother passed away. She had been so sick for so long it wasn't a total shock but it was still incredibly upsetting naturally. I decided to stay at the parade, for the distraction, and spent the rest of the weekend trying to just not think about it. I called Sam, my best friend, and left her a message about what happened and to my surprise I never heard back from her except for a random picture message. It was so unlike her and it just made me even more miserable.

Ryan was determined to keep me distracted and dragged me to about eight different stores looking for a "roman sword" to bring to the toga party we were supposed to go to that evening. And at said toga party when I had enough and decided to get ready for bed at crash there it turned out someone went through my bag. My wallet was empty of all cash (about five dollars) and reciepts, one credit card my insurance card and cardinal card as well as my ipod were missing. My makeup remover and shower gel were emptied everywhere. Ryan's money he had in my purse was also gone. Naturally the house goes on lock down and they were strip searching people before they let them leave. By the grace of God Kristin and Taylor found all my reciepts, missing cards, and ipod hastily shoved in a corner in the bathroom downstairs. Ryan's money, my money, and three other guys were missing money that was never recovered but they basically knew who did it so I am sure they took care of it. But at this point I was so worked up between almost being robbed, my grandmother, and everything that I had a full blown asthma attack. Like turning blue on the bathroom floor asthma attack where I cannot feel my limbs or my face and it was not pretty. But Ryan and the girls took care of me and got me back to normal thank God and I didn't have to go to the hospital.

Skipping ahead I just kept myself busy until Tuesday when I went home for the wake and the funeral. Now for those who really know me know my real father George is not in the picture and quite an asshole. He has been in and out of my life for years and now is out and I like to keep it that way, my dad is my stepdad. Well George was told by Kathy years ago not to bother showing up for the wake or funeral as he was not around the entire time she was sick... about seven years. He graced her with his presence once when Grandma was asking to see him and Kathy called him and asked him to come earlier this year. Well somehow he convinced my little brothers Sean and Shane that they shouldn't go to if he didn't. Kathy had talked to Sean and he had been fine with the whole thing but George and Shane beat him down I guess. My brothers did not come to my grandmother's wake or funeral which made me extremely pissed at them and ten times more pissed at George for being such a damn child about it. Then inbetween the two wake times when we went home for dinner apparently George, his girlfriend Carolyn, and my brothers showed up at the funeral home and then signed the guestbook to prove they were there. God that man is such an infuriating child.

Tuesday and Wednesday were rough. Although my grandma was so sick for so long it was heartbreaking. A lot of tears were shed and I was pretty miserable. My cousins made things easier for me and I tried to be there for Kathy who took care of grandma by herself for so long. I spent the next few days at home just thinking and getting myself together. I saw Jill and my other grandparents and just spent time with my family which was nice before heading back to DC Saturday. Kathy had gone through a whole bunch of old pictures while I was there and found this one from my second birthday of my Grandma, Papa, and I. I have to say it is one of my favorites just because of how happy they look in it. I had to scan it in and save it. It is also now hanging on my wall here in my room.

More pictures from quality time with my cousin and brother...

Like I always say bad things tend to come in threes. At work for SOTC during strike Sunday last week I got hit in the head with a 2x2 that was about 10ft long. Ever see those old cartoons when someone steps on a rake and it hits them in the head? Yea, it was like that. I saw stars and then had a gaping gash on my head during the funeral which was great explaining what happened to relatives I had not seen since I was about ten. Then I cut my hands on the monofilament/fishing wire we were using. And then I stepped on a staple and it went through my shoe and foot. See, three things.

Well this Tuesday I get a text from Ryan asking if he wanted to meet for lunch. So I go to Potbelly's in College Park and park exactly where we had parked the last time we were there. We have lunch and then we're sitting outside talking for awhile and he just got this strange look on his face. I kind of knew then. As he is launching into the speech on why our relationship is not working at the moment I see a tow truck go by with a Ford Taurus. Sure enough my car was towed during the conversation. So we had to go get my car out of the impound lot and I now owe Ryan $150 to boot as I had not gotten my paycheck yet and he insisted on paying for it until I got the money.

The breakup. What it boiled down to was he thinks I am a great girl and he wants to be with me he just doesn't have the time right now to give fully what is required for a relationship. And it isn't fair to either of us. Basically a lot of what he said made sense and was what he wanted and what he thought was best so nothing I said or could say could change that. Yes there was a lot of crying on my part and sometimes I really hate being a girl thanks to the emotional overload the tends to come with it. He thinks we have a chance in the future maybe but right now is not the time. With him shipping out as soon as October he doesn't think our relationship will be strong enough by then to last while he is gone. Just have to say that is three months away and a lot can happen then but he would rather end it now when it just hurts versus possibly having to end it then and having it hurt more. I don't know. It is going to be immensely difficult to be friends with him but I don't want to lose him in my life. I can't imagine not being able to talk to him or see him, but it is going to be so hard to be with him without being with him. Who knows how it will all play out.

Thank god that night Taylor, Laura, and Kristin had me come over and they made me sangria. We had that and played catchphrase, the best of the night being "Expedia!" and everyone instantly replying with the commercial tune of "DOTCOM!" without missing a beat. Since then I have just been going to rehearsals and seeing friends and trying not to think too much. I had lunch with Adam and Jason yesterday and tonight did chinese food and a movie (the Wedding Singer) with Angelyn. After we were bothered or hit on or a mixture of the two by a 58 year old drunk guy outside Hunan Delight. "Hey! I'm patriotic! My shirt was made in America! Whatchu gonna do? You gonna do the wild thing? Hey! Ladies!" And so on.

As you can tell by the time I am writing this I am also not sleeping too well anymore either.

And I have started smoking.

Wonderful.

I don't mean to sound whine-y or complain or bitch but that has been life lately. Just a mess and a half. Tomorrow/Today Angelyn and I plan on celebrating the 4th in true DC tourist fashion and going to the Capitol for the fireworks and concert on the mall. I am excited, it should be fun and just the sort of distraction I really need...

And something positive to keep me sane... a picture I took last week. Sunlight follows a storm. Here is proof.